Me, the Haikesteb & hawak part I – أنا و الهايكستب و هواك الجزء الأول

Yes, i just came back from “Haikesteb” for those who don’t know what Haikesteb is, it’s a vast place in the middle of the desert, on the borders of Cairo, where you have to present yourself for the obligatory military service.

Yegy wa7ed yes2alny, enta 3andak geish? agy ana a2olo la2!!! omal raye7 elhaikesteb leh ya captain? a2olo: 3ashan di balad bent **** ***** #@(*&$ #@(*& *&$@^*&!)~^

Ana el shab el 7ela, omy w abouya rabena ebtalahom beya ana bas….men yom ma etwaladt w omy w abouya mesh tay2en yeshofo 3eyal tany…

El mohem, di tany mara arou7 feha el haikesteb, ba3d maro7t awel mara, w 2alouly el wara2 el matloub wel lazy meno…

I got into my car early in the morning 8:00 am, i arrived there at 9:00 am, though it’s not so far from my home, but the traffic was incredible.

I had to pay 2le to park the car (DOH!!! you F**** force me to get into the army and make me pay too! ah ya welad el 7arameya!!!)
I knew from my previous visit, that i have to park, and then get into a rusty dusty old bus for 0.25le to get to the employees to finish your paper.

After being stuck in the bus like a Sardine fish

and smelling a lot of **** from people standing beside you

We arrived, i try to get into the place, and there is this army soldier trying to organize the entrance, and shouting at people, he made us stand in a line, and made us buy a 1LE application form and let us in.

I found out later that i don’t need this form, but its ok, trying to pass the second gate, the other soldier tried to tell me that i need application form #6 gond!, i told him no thanks, he would’nt let me pass without it…i started to shout, a higher ranking officer came in, and again i didn’t need that application, so i made fun of him and passed, he was so pissed off which really made my day. hehehe

El mohem, going inside, the place is not bad at all, it looks like just renewed everything like a month or two, i give it 6-8 months to get all destroyed again.

I find hundreds of people trying to submit their papers, i have no idea where to go, or if my papers are complete or not.

Suddenly, a high ranking officer came in, trying to organize things, he ordered everyone to sit down, and took their ID cards and told them to wait until he called them.

I tried to ask if my papers are complete or not…but he instead took my ID too and told me to wait!!!!

I tried to ask him a few times if i need any more papers or not, but he refused to answer me.

After 1:15 (YES! you read it right, its one hour 15 minutes) of waiting they finally managed to call my name.

i go to the employee, first thing he say (without even looking at my paper) “hat estemara zar2a w ta3ala” (get the blue application and come back) !!! what the heck?? i go to the other office, i ask the soldier nicely to get me the application, instead he is telling jokes to his friends, i started to loose patience and raise my voice, he looks at me as if am a piece of dog poop and ignored me, as a punishment he started servicing other people who came later, again, i lose patience, i say a comment out in the wild implying on him, people laugh, and he through the application in my face, which i don’t respond to because i was not really in the moode. (again, how much the application costs? 17LE )

I get back to the first employee, to find out that i cant finish the papers today, guess why?

i bet you know, guess why?!!!

MY FATHER’S BIRTH CERTIFICATE IS F*@*($& MISSING!!!!!

This is bull s**** you could have told me this 2 hours ago and i would bring it and come another day! but no! i have to suffer, if am getting an exemption and i will escape from the daily suffer at the army, at least i have to suffer to get my exemption!!!

I go out, trying to catch the bus to get to my car, finding 6 buses already parked!! (i say to myself, WOW, nice i’ll get an easy ride) but ALAS!!! they are all on break…i wait 5-10 mins, another bus comes, and suddenly out of no where, 10000000 people running towards it trying to catch it.

Have you seen the movie Titanic? Remember the rescue scene?where everyone is trying to get into the boats? i’ve seen it! LIVE in the Haikesteb!

Offcourse i couldn’t get in, so i decided to walk, i had to do a 4KM walk in the desert, the weather was not really that bad, but it was not a nice walk am telling you…specially with an athlete like me
On my way, i found a woman selling coke\fanta\sprite so i got myself a can of sprite, again it costed 4le (double the normal price) but i really needed it.

Arriving the parking where i left my car, finding it crowded with cars, that there is NO WAY to get my car out, i go to the soldier where i bought the parking ticket he said: “wana a3melak eh? – what do you want me to do?” i said nothing and left…trying to push the cars to make a space for myself to go out…a young guy started to help me, finding out it’s the “menady” you know who is that if you live in egypt, its some kind of a parking assistance that expects you to give him money in return of nothing…..except this time he was useful to me

I get out hardly without scratching my car…and i gave him 1LE and went to work….

So, to summarize the day:

• I wasted 4 hours of my life on nothing.
• They could have told me the needed papers, or wrote it down on a piece of paper on on the wall so i dont have to wait more than hour in a stupid queue just to know that i miss a ***** birth certificate.
• I paid a total of: 25.25LE(not counting what i paid last time, or what i’ll pay next time i go) – why do i have to pay all this!! Come on! am not going to the army you stupid idiots anyway!!!and am suffering with you already!!! don’t force me to hate the country! Make it free! its not my DARN responsibility to go to the army!
• I was late for work
• I suffered and lost my temper at least twice
• Gained a 20% extra hate

Nasi7a, ehrab men el balad di, madam heya di el mo3amla, ma7adesh yestahel…

• We are humans
• Time is valuable, not all people sit on the coffee smoking me3asel all day long
• Do not suck my blood and force me to pay you (e.g. parking, bus)
• If you will force me to do a service for you, make it in a nice way, don’t be like “7asana wana sidak” don’t bully me!!! (mesh 2atawa heya wala ferda 7atkhodha meny!)

Last word, I HATE YOU ALL!!!! YES YOU!!!!!!!! YOU ALL SUCK!!!! I HATE YOU!!!!!